Screaming at the Ocean

Every celebrity magazine will give their tooth and nail or in Janice Min's case, her first born child, to know what exactly happened the night little Shiloh Jolie-Pitt was born. How did her parents react? How did her grand-parents react and most of all, how Jennifer Aniston react? Well we're pleased to say that because of our innovative way...a secret we're not sharing, we Snoop Mcsneak celebrity magazine, we know exactly how it all went down.

May 28th, 2006 10:47 PM - Namibia.

An ecstatic BP calls his parents to share the good news with his parents.

"Oh wow, I’m so happy, oh baby I know this is what you’ve always wanted….Honey, you know I love you right?

And BP, sniffing, answers

"Yes Mom I know".

JP wipes a tear

"And no matter what you’ve heard, your happiness come first…you do know that right?"

BP can feel the mood change

"Yes mum, I know".

Bill Pitt seats on the kitchen island, watching the scene…He's trying hard to fight the tears that threaten to spill over. He loved his wife and children…he’d do anything in his power to make sure no harm came to them but the whole X situation had left him helpless. If it were up to him, he’d call Jennifer into his study, sit her down and then tell her point blank

"Jennifer we love you but you can’t keep doing this. You have to move on, You have a good guy…appreciate him. you two need to explore one another, lock yourself in the house and get to know each other….Alright that may not be the best idea since you love your tanning, Okay, How about this…Take a vacation together. Go to Greece, I hear they have private islands there. Get a boat, go to one of those private Islands and the moment you step off shore…throw away the keys. Trust me that will be good for us…I mean everyone involved."

Oh, He could see her nodding along with every sentence…The poor child. Speaking of children, he still couldn’t believe his son had a daughter. His son was now the father of three….the emotions started to rise again and again Bill tried to suppress it. Gosh Darn it! He couldn’t. When it comes to his children and grandchildren, Bill had no control over his emotions. The last time he cried was the day Brad called him on the phone…at first Bill thought his son was drunk but after deciphering the incoherent speech, he got what had turned his articulate son into a blubbering idiot. Angie was Pregnant. After seven years of doubts and heartache, his son now had the evidence that his…eh…little boys were not light swimmers. The pride he felt that day was the same he felt when Brad had told him he was adopting little Maddox and Zahara.

Maddox, Bill smiled and shook his head, the boy may not share the same blood as his father but here was no doubt those two shared a few traits. The first time Bill saw a photograph of little Mad sticking his tongue at Photographers, he had laughed so hard, he thought he was losing it. The day after Brad told him he was adopting the children, Bill had contacted Brad’s publicist and cajoled her into getting him the real photos of his new grandson basically telling the razzis who made his life a living nightmare to FUCK OFF. The picture now hung in his office and he had no problem showing it off.

Little Z, just like she did her father, melted his heart. She was quiet but very aware of her surroundings. She’d explore when she thought no one was looking and reach for daddy whenever she noticed the attention on her. The day Bill picked her up and she blew him a raspberry, was the day he knew the little girl could wrap him around her beautiful fingers ten times over and he’d happily succumb. Now, he had another grand daughter….can a man be any luckier? He had three children, all doing well in their careers and family life. At that very moment, watching his wife on the phone with their first child, Bill knew he could die a happy man.

“You know I may not agree with some things you do but I’ll always support you” JP continued.

“Yes Mom I do” BP answered, smiling gently. Maddox who was at his daddy feet, looked up and smiled at his dad, using is shoulder to hold the phone, BP bent over and picked Maddox. The little boy snuggled into his father….it had been a long night.

“How’s Angie?” JP asked….that was the first time she’d called her that. It had always been Angelina. BP felt the tension… a tension he didn’t know he had…. in him disappear.

“She’s fine…tired but fine. We can’t get her to get some rest”

He chuckled when he remembered how his Angel tried to get off the bed just thirty minutes after the birth. His mum laughed, Yes, she could see Angie not wanting to take a rest. She heard the clicking of the phone indicating there was someone on the other line. That would be Mama Pitt…the woman had a radar for when it came to her grandchildren and great-grand children. Even though she just heard the news, she won’t be surprised if Mama Pitt already knew.

“Hold on sweetie, your grandma is on the other line” She switched over

“Hello….”she began

“Hello, Jane! It’s me, Jennifer! I just got back to home! Now, about getting my Brad back…." a whiny shrilly voice came through the line.

Jane gave a long hiss and switched back to her son “So what were we saying…?”Meanwhile at Jennifer’s Place

“Hello…Hello?…What the Hell?…hello?”

Jennifer looked at the phone before slamming it back into the cradle…"

"Ughhhh! I know she hung up on me. There’s nothing wrong with that phone. I was just there and I checked the lines….everything and there was nothing wrong with the phone” She ranted. “okay, fine. If that’s how they want to play it… I am nothing if not persistent. Helloooooo, after three flops people expected me to quit but did I? NO! Am I? Never. Persistence pays off…” She continued to her self”

She picked up the phone, dialed and slammed it down again when she got the engaged tone. Who to call? Who to call? She didn’t want to call BP’s sister….the woman scared the hell out of her…always so put together and very confident. Jennifer always felt small next to Brad’s Sister. Nope, not going to call her. Grandmama Pitt? The woman was getting on with age. The last time saw her, the woman had looked straight at her and said

“Who are you?”

Jen had been too shocked to respond, after 7 yrs, the woman asked her who she was? When she finally composed herself, she answered

“Jennifer Mama Pitt….Brad’s wife”

Mama Pitt had picked up her newspaper and smacked Jen on the head

“You’re lying to an old woman? You think I’m stupid….I may be odl but I’m not senile yet. I know for a fact that Braddy’s wife is brunette not peroxide Blond.”

When she raised the newspaper up for another smack, Jen jumped to her feet and ran out of the room with the words

“Oh yeah, you run. Git! You imposter. Run before I….” trailing after her.

Jen rubbed her head unconsciously….Ugghhh! Old people can be so annoying. So there was no way she was calling the old woman….which left her with one option. Oh God! It really was the worst of time if the only person she could call was DP. Ughhhh! And it didn’t make it better that he knew she had been in Jail. “Chin up Jen. You can do this…You are strong, brave….everyone says so. The two Greek women she had met had the airport had told her so just today. Feeling the bravado building in her, she picked up the phone and dialed…she listened to it ring just once before going straight to the voicemail. DP’s voice came on

“Hi, you know who’s phone this is. I’m unavailable to take your call right now. If you leave a message, I’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as I get back from Namibia where my new sister in Law just had a baby. Yep, it’s party time at the Pitts. We’re gonna party like….”

Jennifer didn’t realize she had dropped the phone until she heard the clatter on the floor. She looked at the shattered phone…it was a reflection of what she felt inside.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO" she screamed. She didn’t get the relief she hoped and it was too dark to walk on the beach. She looked around her until she found what she wanted. She walked to the sink, picked up the stopper, pressed it into the sink. She turned on the water and slowly watched the kitchen sink fill up. When the water started cascading down the counter onto the kitchen floor….She took a deep breath and tried again “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Somewhere outside the house, the sound of car alarms going off and dogs barking mingled with Jen’s screams…sent the neighbors scurrying into hiding. A few houses away, a little child clung to his mom..”mommy what was that?” His mum hugged him tight…”Nothing dear”. Her husband gave her a incredulous look before looking at his son “That is the neighborhood Banshee, son”. AT DP’s House.DP looked at the phone in his hand…."She hung up…huh…I wonder why?" He hung up. He turned to find his sister and wife looking at him "What?" His Wife shook her head "So that was why you were practicing that voicemail…voice earlier?" His sister chuckled "I can’t believe she didn’t realize that was a real person"DP looked feigned shock "NO! That IS odd, Jen not getting that." The two women burst into laughter. Back at Jen’s Place“NOOOOOOOOOOO”.

She stopped and looked at the five-band ring she wears on her left middle finger — one band for each of her five best friends..”I need my friends now… I do” she reached for the phone and UGHHHHH-ed when she remembered it was broken. She went into the living room for her purse…after two seconds of digging for herself phone…she remembered she had give it to one of the Greek woman as a memento of their meeting with her. UGHHHHH! Who said generosity paid? The tension started to rise again and Jen had no choice but to do what a girl’s got to do. She ran around the house, filling all the sinks with water. At last, she stood at the center of her house and watched as the waters flowed from the different rooms….when she was ankle deep in water…She took a Deep breath and “OPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

”If Oprah wasn’t to busy preparing for her Legend’s ball, she probably would have heard her best friend calling for her.By the way…What happened to Jen’s invitation? Did it get lost in the mail?The End…or NOT(Copyright…Huh…Yeah, what Passing Through Said)